I'm not crazy, just frustrated.
The Broadways - '15 Minutes'

7" records are way better than;

- Going out
- People

...it's good to have a pretty much 'do nothing' and be anti-social day.

BBQ tomorrow!! :)

Playlist:
Sarjan Hassan/People Again split
This is My Fist/Fifth Hour Hero split
The Ergs/Lemuria split
Orphan Choir/The Amistad split
Shitty Limits - Espionage
Any Last Words (Had a bit of a bedroom mosh to this one :) )
Criminal Intent

...back to the motor league.
Propaghandi - 'Back To The Motor League'

Some kid just said to me whilst I was locking up my bike at meanwood co-op;

"that's a dark bike blud*"

*he may have said 'bruv' to be honest.

My new bike rules, the kids didn't believe me when I said I'd probably only gone about 15mph on it. All it needs now is some stickers...a pink one would fully spoil the 'darkness' of it but I saw an awesome antifa sticker in a toilet in Hamburg that said 'Love sex, hate sexism' I may try and track it down.

Holy crap I just stumbled across a white power web forum discussing how left wing groups weren't as up for a fight as they used to be and are in decline...amazing what google will pull up isn't it?!

...I thought of all the boys that wanted to.
Lifetime - 'Theme Song For A New Brunswick Basement Show'

Since last time fans:
- I've had flu and had two days off work.
- Played a gig with flu and thought I was going to pass out, that moment when you get tunnel vision and start to lose your balance is way crazy...and then I came back from the brink and was okay.
- Driven over a 1000 miles with some nice japanese people who like to drink and play punk rock.
- Seen some of my friends from the South and met some new people.
- Procrastinated on finishing off moving, still need to change my address credit cards, insurance etc.

So a good break from work all in all, although I'm not looking forward to going back, everything seemed to fall apart after I was sick for two days. 30 Fest at the weekend first though, should be fun times. Plus I get my bike tomorrow woo! :)

I had to try and explain my taste in music to Yoichi the other day...I failed miserably, how do you get across you like punk, hardcore, hip hop, 'rock' and metal but only certain bands within each genre and you've never worked out what makes you think 'yeah that band are great'?

...the bike punx will rule the wasteland.
R.A.M.B.O - 'Apocalypse Riders'

Okay so update:
- Fully moved into Leeds and about 95% settled, to the extent that if anyone wants to come round and hang out/drink tea/listen to records/watch movies/talk shit then give me a shout for my address.
- Put down a deposit on a bike, roll on the 18th when I pick it up.
- Work isn't so manic currently and I'm off for a week and a day from Friday.
- Driving Blotto (Japan) on tour, say hello if you're reading this in another part of the UK that I'll be visting.
- Achtung Everybody! seem to be landing some gigs although mainly at short notice, playing the Packhorse tomorrow with Autistic Youth apparently.
- I think I quite like Kate Nash, which is probably a product of them playing 'Merry Happy' constantly at the gym...I like the fact she can't actually sing very well. I should hate her mockney, bad english but don't. Odd.
- Skipped the gym tonight because I'm coming down with a cold which sucks, should be interesting trying to 'sing' tomorrow. Might go and lie on the sofa for the rest of the night.

...and put her on the back of Benny's bike.
Lucero - 'Bikeriders'

Is the fact that I have to apply ice to various parts of my body after football a sign I am actually getting old? I did however score my first goal tonight, 1 in about 10-12 games! It's not as bad as it sounds as I am naturally a pretty defensive player but today I seemed to be getting the space to run at the opposition a bit too which was really fun.

The rest of my life for those who check in here to make sure I'm alive?
The usual; Work (okay), Gym (good), Gigs (rockin'), Women (ticking over nicely).

Moving in about a weeks time which will be good, living in Leeds properly. Going to get myself a bike and start cycling to work and around the place...really can't wait.

...If you'd be my girl, It'd be so indie rock.
The Ergs - 'Things I Could Never Find A Way To Say'

I'm sure I should have loads to update, but to be honest it always more of the same; watching bands, dancing like an idiot, hanging out with friends, ending up in ill advised situations before running away and generally excelling at saying the wrong thing. I like life.

Highlights/exceptions:
- 3am playground hangouts.
- In jokes.
- New house pretty much sorted.
- Kickboxing, need to go more often/regularly.
- My reputation slowly sinking into the gutter.
- Having a boss being okay so far.

Tonight I think I might just lie in bed and listen to music and maybe play some guitar or read a book.

Oh and someone said my life was like a sitcom the other day...it pretty much is only with a longer time line. You'd need to cut out the boring bits with segues.

Apparently upon seeing a photo of me today someone else said I was 'pretty cute' and 'really fit'...awww yeah! ;)

...from your factories of make believe.
Fifth Hour Hero - 'Stimuli Shining Gold'

Planzzzzzz for the summer.

- Get back on the healthy eating kick
- Have a bulking crazy eating phase.
- Stop spending money like there is no tomorrow.
- Tattoo's please.
- Salt Union v3? ...full band? :)
- 1 sheet zine(s)?
- Moving into Leeds...still need to find a house mind.
- Get a bike.

Hmm some conflicts there.

...When we pull up, all I feel is freedom
Hot Water Music - 'Things On A Dashboard'

I went to Germany it was really good fun. Flew to Hamburg and then got a train to Berlin and back. Did the things listed below, apologies I don't have photos as I haven't got a decent camera at the moment. Hopefully Dale will be sending me the ones he took.

Ate vegan food (lots of), so good. I thoroughly recommend Hin & Veg in Hamburg and Hans Wurst in Berlin.

Went to gigs, saw a band in Berlin called Big John Bates and the Voodoo dolls or something they were rockabilly I guess, and okay, but played for way too long. The Voodoo dolls were burlesque dancers and came out every third song or so and had a little dance. This was good. Flaming nipple tassles! The support band were also pretty good a blues/skiffle three piece but I can't remember the name. In Hamburg saw Hot Water Music, they were awesome! Much tighter than last time I saw them and they played songs from across all of their records which was mint.

Watched the football, which was also good. Although St Pauli lost 2-0 which was disappointing. However it was a good experience I hope to repeat.

Walked around both Berlin and Hamburg, saw bits of the wall and the Brandenburg gate and Bundestag all pretty interesting/impressive. In Hamburg saw a massive statue of Otto Bismark and lots of boats that were there for the bank holiday weekend.

Back to work tomorrow. I am now a bit skint for the rest of the month.
Sometimes I still dream of just running away...

...You can take your rudder and aim your ship, just don't bother with the things left in your wake.
Saves The Day - 'This Is Not An Exit'

Okay so this week has been the usual M.O. you know the score.

Work
...has been okay I'm still 'acting up' so busy as hell and with too much to physically fit into the time before I go away next week. Oh well. Had my end of year review though and as expected I'm punching above my weight.

Gigs
Cursed = Rock, good fun hanging out with Thom and breaking every girl in the room down into whether or not we thought they liked Strife, Jawbreaker or Screeching Weasel. I think we decided you had to marry them if they liked all 3. Purile? Immature? Mildly sexist? Fun though. ;)
Glass And Ashes = Rock, good to see Max two days in a row. So loud, my ears were still ringing two days later.
Kind of failed then to go to the other two gigs I had considered.

Gym
Back into 'heavy' lifting focusing around the big 3 (squat, bench, deadlift). Hopefully I can hit new PB's at the end of 4 or 6 weeks although that is going to be tough on my squat as my leg strength seems to have decreased. My leg definition has increased though. Only typing this so my food can settle/digest before hitting the gym today.

Dancing
Went to Rock of Ages last night, was good fun. Played air guitar to my hearts content with Nick. Everyone dressed up in an 80's rock fashion. Me? I borrowed one of Terry's polo shirts and wore my sunglasses inside, I looked like I should be in Ferris Bueller's Day Off.

Women
For some reason my confidence is sky high, I've even started to talking to people I don't know or I'm not introduced to, very unlike me. I think it's going to be a good summer. If I want you, you should be flattered as I am picky. If you don't want me...meh your loss.

...Anchorless in the small town that you lived and died in.
The Weakerthans - 'Anchorless'

Went to Essex.

Sailed a boat. Was okay at it apart from one minor moment, but luckily it wasn't a dinghy so I didn't get dumped in the drink. Sailing a boat is kind of like riding a bike you never forget how. My dad was doing the navigation and did some of the sailing too, team effort. It's his boat, it's alright too (photos to come)...father and son bonding?

Got a sunburnt face and neck. My nose is particularly red and I have panda eyes from wearing sunglasses.

Ate some nice food, watched some TV, drove home and had takeaway.

That was my weekend pretty relaxed which was nice.
Next week is uber-busy in all aspects. I'm not sure when I'm sleeping.

...little more than settling for revenge and wondering whatever happened to the kid that pledged 'do no harm'?"
Propaghandi - 'Name And Address Withheld'

< Self promotion>

I uploaded lyrics to the new Achtung Everybody! songs onto the myspace blog here it's stuff not on the demo so you'll have to come see us to hear them. Practice yesterday was loud, fast and angry aka absolutely bloody brilliant.

My friend Hannah also has a new zine out which I wrote something in available from the following address:

PO BOX 1398
Southampton
Hants
SO16 9WX

Apparently there is a close up picture of my nipple in it, sexual.



</Self promotion>

By the way as with everything my brain ejects words and lyrics like effluence so don't expect any of the stuff I do to be any good or even very relevant to anything substantial, you have been warned! :)

"We're fucked. In a matter of fact way. Have a nice day."
Submission Hold - 'If And Or When'

...I leave it up to you.
Grade - 'The Joy Of Stupidity'

I think I went a bit mental last night...I was way hyperactive and then my brain overheated. I think it needs more heat sinks, maybe I should invest in being trepanned.

Yesterday was one of those social butterfly days which I used to have in Southampton, running round town doing things and seeing different people (actually the whole of yesterday was a bit 2004, only x2004x). I managed to fail to go swimming and my knee hurts today so I don't think I'll be running even if I do get asked to go.

Bought records off Bez...win.
Went to the Peach & Pear Cafe and saw Dave, Adz, Trog and Blyth outside. Then went in and sat with Becky and Peter and some people I didn't know and had a sandwich which was nice.
Then off to Terry, Nick, Ste and Dale's. Played some guitar hero, I'm getting better but I'm still pretty crap at it. I think it's improved my little finger strength though when actually playing guitar.
Then headed to Sandinista for Layla's birthday, which was cool although I wasn't particularly talkative to people I didn't know (quell suprise).
Then went to the Well and walked straight into the Sick Of It All gig without paying. Sick Of It All were pretty good too I don't really listen to them on record ever and hadn't seen them since 14th February 2001, but I enjoyed it. When I went back out into the bar Bruni was there who I haven't seen in a while so chatted to him for a bit and then went to Juvi.

Juvi was ace although I think I may have looked like a bit of a mental as I went absolutely nuts when they played '15 minutes' by the Broadways. Woops. It was fun times as loads of people were out and I did what I usually do which is dance solidly for 3 hours without talking to anyone very much. It was sooooooo hot though. About 2:30 I thought I was going to pass out so I went outside and got some fresh air...then I think my brain had a run time error or something. It was a definite blue screen of death moment. Well maybe not that bad more a missing .dll (stretching this metaphor for all it's worth!).

The upshot of this is that I have decide that self-preservation is key, I'd rather be friends with people than feel like I'm playing some form of game and that records are definitely better than women! Which is why I've spent today so far listening to some cracking vinyl...

Sensefield - s/t
Farside - Keep My Soul Awake 7"
Grade - Seperate The Magnets 10"
Descendents - Somery (double LP!!)
Horace Pinker - Pop Culture Failure
Hot Water Music - Forever And Counting

Winner!! :)

...to come back, shake it off, and ride to rock again.
Hot Water Music - 'Forever and Counting'

I like 'direct' Benny, the Benny who asks questions. It's easier when you know where people are coming from, sometimes it causes minor drama and I have to do things like feel emotions which aren't up there on my top 5 fun things, but these days it takes more than some partial rejection and confusion to bring me down. I'm happy with how things are in my life anything extra is a bonus, so I'm just going to let whatever is happening with the person who did profess that 'I was alright' run and play it by ear, let it just naturally evolve if it's the right thing. On the plus side not being committed to anything means I can go out and play the field...right? Or did I miss some subtext where doing that would make me a shit?

Not that I really even 'play the field' these days, I'm not a great fan of talking to people I don't know, it's only if I'm introduced and really feel like making the effort that I do (some people don't know how lucky they are), all seems like too much effort. I prefer dancing and then relaxing at home listening to records! It still annoys me slightly that people just seem to assume that because I like them I'd necessarily want to have some form of serious relationship. I'm pretty picky these days I think I need to get to know people a lot more before I entertain those thoughts...I do admit though that I still have an impatient little "new person=best thing ever" rush when I meet someone which I have to get past before I can be more chilled and really get into someone.

I've had a pretty good week this week although I was really glad when it was Friday and I have no idea why I was hanging out for it so much. Played football on Thursday night which was fun although I think the gym had exhausted my legs the day before as they felt like lead after about 5 minutes, but I naturally I tried to push through it with varying success. The gig at the Fenton last night was great, it's been a while since I've been to a gig and ages since I've been to a really noisy/metally/hardcore gig fun times. Star after was okay, not blinding but it never is.

Tonight is all about dancing. I've built it up in my head though so it could be crap, but good friends going means it shouldn't be.

Going swimming in a bit and then possibly running tomorrow, I think I'm a little bit addicted to exercise.

...and thinking things over.
Shermer - 'Apply The Breaks'

So 7 days...here's what's been going down for those that care.

I've:
- Fixed a tyre, and hopefully it will stay fixed.
- Ate nice soup.
- Made some new friends.
- Hungout with some awesome current friends.
- Looked at houses and possibly found a new one.
- Ripped a pair of shorts.
- Discovered a pair of shorts don't fit me.
- Gained two new pairs of jeans for free.
- Played a gig to about 12 people.
- Went to a wedding reception of people I didn't know and danced like I was crazy/drunk.
- Remained single and confused, which is probably a good thing.
- Rigged up my new improved watch movies/DVD's on my computer/mac in bed set up in my room.
- Listened to some choice vinyl...I want money to buy records!! :(

So in conclusion, I'd like some free shorts please and hey ladies...get funky!!

...and start caring about someone else.
Have Heart - 'About Face'

Today has been a really good day off, got up at a decent hour and was productive and creative. Wrote 4 songs on the guitar for a new project (not the one I should be writing for though) and had a tidy/spring clean of my room. Naturally the soundtrack has been killer.

Bane, No For An Answer, Betrayed, Cold One, Gorilla Biscuits, Burning Kitchen, Career Suicide, Carry On, Good Clean Fun, 411, Mainstrike, Los Crudos, Spitboy and Annihilation Time. I'm definitely having a 'hardcore' phase.

I'm feeling more and more like who I was before 'the shit went down' as it were, but I'm keeping myself mentally in check a lot better and I'm finding myself interested and inspired in/by things again. I might start 'writing' regularly again which could mean a possible fanzine in the future...I actually feel confident in that I have something to say, but now it's tempered by knowing I'm not necessarily right all the time.

Today I feel like I could take on the world, but I'm wise enough to know I can only take on some of it at a time and that my impact may be limited and I might not even see it.

( An ill thought out observation and rant )

Anyhow, I'm ace me.

...Some were born to sing the blues.
Journey - 'Don't Stop Believing'

Now I remember why I force myself to get a relatively decent amount of sleep...feel wretched, just had that phase where I was so tired I felt like puking. So why I'm writing this rather than sleeping I don't know.

It's been a good week and weekend...

Some pretty productive meetings at work...nice. ;)

Ducked out of work early on Friday to look at houses for later this year, ball rolling which is good. The two we looked at had their flaws though, don't feel any rush/pressure currently so will be okay. Friday night I spent playing Wii sports with people from work for Sports Relief, my team came last...hmm loser. Then went up to Terry's & Nick's house and watched Ong Bak which was good.

Saturday = lie in! Nice. Then went to Amy's to pack up stuff for Sunday, then gym for a swim. Headed into town for Jane's party at Santiago's which was okay, but I ducked out pretty early and went up to Jane's house to hang out with her, Becky, Peter and Zoe(?). Singstar party!! Winner, I didn't break the mic too...maybe the massive amounts of booze Neil and I used to consume before playing it in Australia was the root cause of our constant mic breakage. Slept on Jane's sofa (so big and comfy) with her cat, awwww...but was up at 5am!

Yep 5am on a Sunday morning to take Amy and Terry to a car boot sale to shift some tat, it was okay but FREEZING COLD!! We left at about 10am without paying...up the punx or something. I think I have excelled myself as a general rad friend/all round dude in recent weeks with car trips for people and booze buying...appreciate people!

I've been asked to make a mix CD for someone (they actually said tape but I don't have the technology for that), that never happens I usually volunteer them first...I feel under pressure to perform! What if they hate it? I have no idea what is going on with my 'love' life I am fully confused...something has been happening I think, but super slow. I am happy about this fact. Seeing as I usually manage to fit first date (when I have them...when did I suddenly start going on dates?), relationship, break up into a 6 week period! On the other hand things could not be happening and the person isn't interested. Either way I'm having fun and that's what's important.

Monday off work...yes.

you can't make up your mind, so why do i waste my time?
Cut The Shit - 'Love Is A Lie'

So 29...nice.

Thom brought birthday hats from Asda to Hozzy on Friday and gave them to my friends as people came in to Subculture, it made it 'my night' and special...all in all it rocked.

Rest of the weekend was good, getting back into the gym after some time off with colds/sickness. Also Max gave me a drum lesson and I wasn't totally rubbish, was really fun too. Especially when I worked out I actually played better and when I hit everything harder!! :)

Still can't decide whether to go to London for the weekend or not...decisions, decisions. Why is it I get paid and then realise that I'm pretty much already skint because I know where most of the money is already allocated, how does this work? Sucks.

Hopefully when I move into Leeds which should be happening later this year the reduction in my petrol costs/car parking will free up some spare cash so I can squander it on vinyl. ;)

My life seems to be really busy at the moment which is a great thing I like being busy, I think tonight is the only night I didn't have anything planned. I like the fun of gym, gigs, band practice, football and hanging out with friends.

However I guess the downside is that if I was ever to contemplate having a girlfriend currently they'd either have to not have a life and therefore be available to do something on a whim at any time, or we'd have to somehow bypass the 'dating'/initial phases of the relationship so that we didn't have to 'arrange' to do things together anymore, they'd either be involved in what I was doing or just around when I got 'home'...not likely to happen.

Tonight I rediscovered my love for 'thrash'...why are there no good 'Hardcore' bands anymore?

...you're trying hard, you're trying to pretend, you always fall for compassion.
Fifth Hour Hero - 'Couer De Berlin'

So I've been chastised for not posting...but well it's been a while and life has just been ticking over in regular patterns really.

Achtung Everybody! have played some gigs to a variety of sizes of 'crowds'. They've all been fun in different ways. We'd like to play some more although we have some lined up as well. Two people have now told me I remind them of Russ Rankin vocally...I'm chuffed. :)

Work is fine, except my manager has moved to a new job and the gap has as of yet not been plugged. Worrying if it continues.

I seem to have had a load of colds this winter, the hypochondriac in me is naturally worried I've fucked myself somehow during the 'bad' years, but I think I'm fine.

The crazy house is all fine, we have another kitten which is pretty cute and chases me across the lounge when I walk to the bath room. I think it's called 'Sweetie' but I just call it Tiny Cat.

I've been watching a lot of House MD, which could explain my hypochondria. ;) Finished season 3 now though so I've either got to try to watch season 4 on TV or the internet or wait for that on DVD. Also bought and watched the first season of Flight of the Conchords which is pretty good. Although they clearly like mid-80's Prince when writing songs!

I went to Glasgow and watched 'the internet' get drunk which was amusing, it was quite good to pretend I was in my early twenties again for 48 hours.

I have awesome friends in Leeds, the UK in general and Iceland, which is nice and always good to talk to different people. Fun times have been had in Leeds mainly dancing a lot, I need to get back into the gig loop though.

I'm still the most eligible bachelor in punk rock, I'm quite enjoying the fact I feel like I can be as picky as I want and hold out for actually really wanting to pursue someone. Equally it isn't the end of the world if things don't work out, though clearly any girl passing up spending time with me is a fool! ;)

Well maybe I'm not that confident, but I had a date the other day and it went well and I think there is going to be a second date but who knows where it will go. It makes me laugh how I hate playing the 'game' and then all of a sudden I'm playing the game...even if myself and the person in question were talking about playing the 'game', which makes the 'game' feel slightly odd but also quite fun.

Birthday on Thursday this week. Non-event as usual on the day, think I'm playing football now :)
Come to Hospital Radio at Subculture on Friday though if you live in Leeds. Maybe I'll write some angst ridden tortured piece on Thursday about coming to terms with starting my last year of my late twenties...pssh or maybe I'll not post for another 14 weeks. ;)

...stronger everyday.
In The Clear - 'Reflection'

My neck aches from two much 'moshing' and dancing like a crazy idiot. I seem to dance so much these days, to literally anything. Way more than I did when I drank and was 'too cool for school'. If your in a club you may as well dance I reckon although I draw the line at System of a Down! ;)

Yesterday was great, Dead and Powered fest at the 1 in 12 which was really good. Stand out bands Dirty Money, Justice, Down and Outs. It was mildly odd because I didn't really know anyone going but then arranged to go with someone I've only just met but it was fun getting to know them better.

Cockpit in the evening was also fun (two times in a row...crazy!) everyone seemed in the mood and pretty much danced to every song (even the really really shit ones and the banging dance music). I got a bit of a confidence boost from some comments people made...go me!

I've so got to get out of the habit of going into peoples rooms for the first time and immediately checking out the records, CD's (and yesterday where they were in a box such that it would have been totally obvious I was looking at them) the posters on the wall.
(Someone do me a CDR of the Uniform Choice discog. please!! ;) )

Some folk from down south (Gaz, Bryony, Rob, Will...) were up at the gig yesterday and I'm now slightly worried about going to Southampton for the gig on Sunday 16th. I've realised I have a lot of shit memories I'd rather forget tied up in that town (although a lot of good ones too). It should be fun though, you gotta stay positive.

...but some of us are looking up to the stars.
Kids Today - 'Sick Pay'

I'm still alive.
I'm still single.
That's not a bad thing.
I'm a permanent employee again.
Fingers crossed I'm getting a new(er) car.
Achtung Everybody! recorded a demo (www.myspace.com/achtungeverybody)
I'm hopefully going to be playing guitar in another band as well.
I've danced, I've sung, I've worked out.

Nothing special to report. ;)